Facing Sin

I have had this particular blog in my draft queue for at least 6 months. I have written, deleted, rewritten and edited it more that any blog I have posted to date. Why? Because I am concerned that someone will read it and think it is about her. Or him. And, in fact, it is, because it is about all of us. So please, read these words carefully and allow the Scripture to speak to you and the Holy Spirit to convict, encourage, and teach. May God bless you as you read the words I am led to write. 

I love the sense of community + family that you get in church. I love breaking bread with these people, joining them in their work, and coming alongside in times of need. When we gather with people we know this well, we can trust that they are going to be themselves and that means not only that we can be ourselves, but that they will be who we know them to be. We were present for their collective births, baptisms, and marriages. We have joyfully celebrated with them and we have ministered to them them in their grief. 

It's almost the same way with our closest friends. You know, the friend you really know. The one you know so well that you recognize something that would be perfect for her house, or you know the necklace she would really like her husband to give her for Christmas. The one who makes the Friends & Family list on your cell. That friend. 

Friends like those are rare and precious and you realize it! You include them and their family in your prayers and you look forward to the next time you see them- knowing that you can discuss politics, faith, money, and shoe styles with ease because- well because you know them. 

Until the day you don't. 

Until the day you get the phone call that rocks you. 
Until the day you have to remind yourself to breathe. 
Until the day you have to face your friend's humanity, your friend's sin. 

We all sin. (Romans 3:23) All of us. Those of us who are saved readily admit that fact. But often we admit it the same way we admit that we eat too much, we don't exercise enough, and we should keep better bank records. We mentally hit the "play" button and let the statement come out: "Oh, we're all sinners!" 

But do we believe the horror of our own capacity for sin?  

Because it's there. It's real. And it's the ugliest of the ugly. Yet we still remain shocked at how vile it is. We are appalled at how sin can change a person to the point of being practically unrecognizable. 

We think we know someone, but only God knows our heart. 

I have faced sin in my own life. And because I am human, I will again.
I have confessed those sins to a just and merciful God and He has forgiven me. Jesus' death on the cross freed me from having to pay the price for the sins I have committed. I have repented. I am redeemed. Praise God! Praise God! But let me tell you, even though I know what it is like to sin, and even though I know that my sins are no better or worse that anyone else's, it is still almost too much to bear when I learn that a friend or a brother or sister in Christ has committed and is continuing to be involved in sin. And it is happening more and more. To believers. Prayer warriors. Bible students. And Bible teachers. It's happening to the very ones you would go to - run to - for your own wise counsel. 
My God, what is happening in our churches? 

And then I remember: we're human. And we sin. And it is awful and raw and horrific and destructive and it will just about take you down and paralyze you- but God. God is there to supply your needs and to fill your lungs with air when it has been sucked right out of you. God is there to hold you up and to hold your heart. God is there with His Word that can fill your thoughts so that your human mind doesn't race to dark places. God is there to pull your loved one, your friend, you, out of the sin and into His arms. 

But there has to be an admission of guilt, a request for forgiveness, and a time of repentance. Without it, it's just another day. 

I have had the sad opportunity to comfort, counsel, and confront the heartbroken and the heart breaker. I have seen sin and what it does to those around it. It cannot be treated like a broken bone that can be set or a cut that can be bandaged. This "illness" is the product of a mastermind who is plotting to attack at the very core of each of us. Consider the area where you are strongest: that area is the goal of the enemy. Right there. He comes to kill and destroy and he will stop only when defeated by the only one Who can win against him: Jesus. (John 10:10) But we have to ask for help. And we have to allow Him to to have His way in our lives. Not on our terms, but His. 

So what to we do when we come face-to-face with sin? First, sisters, we need to pray. We need to pray for ourselves: that we will remain strong in our own walk. We have to constantly seek Him and His will for our lives so that we are not pulled down into sin as well.  We need to pray for our spouse: that he will remain strong and that our communication remains open. We must pray for our pastors, for our church family -- let them keep Christ at the center of everything they say and do. Pray hard, because I am here to tell you that 

prayer works! 

And second, a very close second, we need to love. We need to show the love of Christ while at the same time rejecting the sin. We can show Christ's compassion and still maintain our own strong character and godliness by staying true to His word and following Christ's example of forgiveness. We have to be willing to say, "I know what you did and I am here to love you through this." 

I have seen lives changed and relationships renewed through the power of prayer. God expects us to pray. (1 Thessalonians 5:17) When we do, He listens. He sees us on our knees in our quiet place, in our cars stuck in traffic, or on our back porches pouring our hearts out to the only One Who can hear us. 

So don't give up. Keep praying. Pray like a life depends on it. 

Because it does. 

For whatever reason, I have always been able to see irony in a situation. Call me jaded or negative if you want, but I don't usually see things as they appear, rather as they seem. 

That's why I am laughing at myself right now. 

Like so many women my age, I like to get my nails done. Can't do the fake ones. They don't stick to my nails. Pop right off. But my natural nails on their own split and are very painful, often bleeding. So, I go get them trimmed, filed, and painted every few weeks. Sometimes I like color, but mostly I like the "French manicure" look. Never long-- always pretty short and simple. I do that for two reasons. 

First, I think there is little more pathetic than a middle-aged woman trying to hold on to her youth by way of her fingernails. Sorry if that causes you to twinge or press the esc button, but let's be honest: having nice nails is NOT going to lose you ten pounds or conceal your roots. The second reason I like simple nails is that I am too rough on my hands. (And by too rough I only mean that I am terrible at wearing gloves.) I like to wash dishes with my real hands, prepare meals with my real hands, and, on occasion, plant a flower with my real hands. 

So here's the dilemma: I got my real hands very dirty and part of the painted nail peeled off. I have an event this weekend and I wanted to have my hands look nice. But I am in battle with myself over the fact that I want to have my nails re-painted to look like a real pretty fingernail so that no one can actually see the real fingernail that is peeking out from under the broken one. Does anyone else see the irony in that? Read it again slowly if you need to; it does make sense- trust me!

Here I am, trying to cover up something real with something that only looks real. 

What in the world? 

The beauty isn't in my fake nail. The beauty isn't even in my real nail. The beauty is in getting my hands dirty by being real. 

So, I'll get my nail fixed. But I'll also be ready to get my hands dirty with any opportunity the Lord sends my way. Even if it's as simple as talking about Jesus with my nail tech. It all comes around. 

Hiking on a New Path

In case you were wondering, I'm still here. I know I've been a little quiet lately. I haven't been very busy, but God has been busy with me. With us. My husband and me. We've been in the valley and we've been on the mountaintop. We've been in the weeds, the pit, and on the right path. We've been all over the place for the past few months. And I wouldn't trade a moment of it. Because, as you see, I said, "We." My husband and me...and God. 

It began over a year ago, this particular journey with God. Born out of our prayers and petitions every morning. Seeking God's will for our lives and His direction for us in all manner of our life together. You see, we are His first, so why wouldn't we ask Him to show us what He wants for us? Hand-in-hand, sometimes silent, sometimes whispered, often teary-eyed pleas for God to make Himself so obvious to us that there would be no mistake-- that we would know without a shadow of a doubt that we were following Him alone. 

As I have mentioned before in this blog, we like to hike. Now by hike, I must be totally honest: we like to walk in the woods. As much as I enjoyed climbing as a child, I do not cherish it now. Mostly because you have to climb back down. We have learned this both the easy and the hard way. Some maps are more honest than others about the difficulty level of the terrain. One man's "Moderate" is another man's "DEATH TRAP!" So this God-journey was the most difficult "hike" either of us has ever been on. We did not choose the terrain nor the difficulty level. God did. 

So we prayed. And we prayed. And we PRAYED. 

I wasn't ready for the answer that came. It hurt too much. Cut way too deep. I was confused. Scared. Sad. I denied it. But yet I kept on praying, asking for His will to be done. Praising Him for His goodness. Serving Him with gladness and hope. And He kept working on me. 

Obedience is a funny thing. The thought of it seems so monumental. The enemy tells our brains that it's way too difficult. We are convinced that there will be days and nights of agony and despair and that we will never be the same again, that we stand to lose and lose too much, once we take that leap of faith. Well, sisters, I am here to tell you that the leap of faith is a step on the most sturdy and stable ground that you will ever take. God will never lead us to something that will not be for our good and for His glory! I am telling you that the enemy is filling you with doubt and fear that are lies and that are meant to make you weak and keep you from serving the only One who can provide freedom in the midst of obedience! 

You don't have to leap- just take one step!

One step toward obedience. One step, trusting the One who is leading you. And then let Him do His mighty work in your heart and in your perspective. At once my heart was healed and my spirit was soaring with the notion that I wasn't walking away from anything but that I was running toward something new and beautiful and with a purpose! He had only my best interests at heart as He always has-- and He has plans for me, even still. Jeremiah 29:11  promises me that He wants the best for me and He has shown me that my entire life. I just needed to obey Him first to see it. I just needed to seek Him first, to be rewarded with it. (Matthew 6:33)

The blessed Scripture that He left with us teaches us that we are not to be afraid. 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us that we are not given a spirit of fear. Don't be fooled. 

Don't be fooled into thinking that this has been easy, even after the Lord did His work on my heart. I still hurt. I still cried (and still am). But I have no resentment, doubt, or bitterness in my heart at all! I am free because of the power of Christ and I know that this is a journey that we will not regret taking. Because, no matter the terrain, we will stand on the Rock and proclaim His goodness. 

Thank you, Jesus, for providing access to the God of all. And thank you for this new path, a hand to hold, and a heart trying to be as much like Yours as it possibly can.

Are Your Decorations Still Up?

Are your Christmas decorations still up? Ours are. Since we have crossed to the Dark Side and now use artificial trees, the maintenance is low and there is a reduced risk of fired-hazard crispiness. (I've always left them up until New Year's though; it's so festive!) Yes, I still make sure that the candles in the windows are on at dusk and that the tree(s) are lit in the morning and in the evening. I don't want to miss a moment of the cheer. I don't want to take this season for granted! The lights on the mantle are so warm and cozy and the family room tree gives off just enough light so that we don't really even need any lamps. I am going to miss the decorations so much when they're stuffed back in the attic for another eleven months. 

Although I get a HUGE amount of help from my husband, I am the main decorator in our house. And because of that, the decorations have really become an extension of who I am and what I appreciate. The simple Nativity, the primitive trees on the mantle, the sparkly living room ornaments. Santas around the fireplace and glowing candles everywhere. (And I just have to say that one of the BEST INVENTIONS EVER is the battery-powered candle. Period. Drop the mic on that one. Gets the job done and is safe. Applause hands.) The Christmas decorations all seem to reflect the way I live and love. I consider our decorations to be a testimony. I cannot wait to get the lights in the window so that anyone and everyone who drives by our house will know that, in this house, WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. I want everyone who enters our home to see the Nativity in the foyer. I want to light the candles in the windows on cold, dark, rainy days to show them that Christ's love is there and real and available. I want there to be no mistake that the people who live here are only here for a while but our real home is waiting for us. 

But, the wreath on my door is fading. The clock is ticking. New Year's Day and its traditional pot of chili will be accompanied by boxes and bins and tissue paper. I will carefully wrap the ornaments and place them in the boxes so that they will be protected and preserved for another year. I'll dust off the mantle and redecorate for the coming season. The windows will be cleaned off and the wreath on the door will be recycled. And then I will ask myself: if someone drives by my house will they know I love Jesus more than anything? Will my home continue to be a testimony to the King of kings? Will my light shine? 

As I take these decorations down, I must, at the same time, resolve to live more boldly. To love more intentionally. To serve more selflessly. If I just put them away in a box in the attic, what good have they done? What good have I done? 

As I was writing this today, we had an air-conditioner repairman at our house. (Because it's acting like August in Coastal Virginia and it's a million degrees and 1000% humidity) Through a series of attempts, it became clear that he had made an error. It cost him a trip back to a warehouse and another trip out here in the pouring rain. I couldn't leave the house and I was somewhat inconvenienced. At the end of the visit, do you know that young man couldn't thank me enough for simply being...nice. Just being decent to him. He was so appreciative that I was civil. People, what have we become? Do we want to live so that fellow humans are afraid to make a mistake and be...human? What kind of witness would I have been if I had fussed or been angry? What would he have thought about Christians, about Jesus? How would he have known, you ask, that I am a Christian? The Nativity is right across from the thermostat. Boom. Right there. Trees are all up. Bibles all around the house really. No mistake that someone who at least knows about Jesus lives here. 

So how would it have looked to him if I had been mean? 

So this weekend, the wreath will come down. The lights will be packed away. But will our decorations stay up? It's our prayer that they will stay up all year.
Matthew 5:16

I wish all of you and your families a New Year filled with blessings and the joy of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I have made an error in leadership. (Actually I've made many more than one, but I am only focusing on a recent one.) In an attempt to follow the Lord's leading and to be obedient to Him in all things, I tried to do everything He was leading me to do AT ONCE. By doing this I totally over committed myself and the women on the ministry leadership team. I messed up. How do I know it was a mistake? The Lord didn't give me deadlines when I was seeking His will. He never said, NOW. Not one time did I feel the sense that I needed to have it all completed before the end of 2015. But somehow I interpreted it as that and, since September, we, through the power of the Holy Spirit, have completed the following:

September: Beth Moore Mini-Retreat (two-day event)

October: Bunco Night for the CPC

November: Craft Workshop, Lifeway Women's Forum, Collection and Distribution of Thanksgiving Bags

December: Christmas Tea and Ornament Exchange

Tuesday Night Bible Study from late Sept-Nov

These things in addition to, I don't know...LIFE. 

I may have left out some things..it's a blur. But one thing is for sure: we are tired!  

I love the women on this team. Each has her own gifts and talents and each has her own story. Together we strive to honor and glorify God in everything we do. They continue to amaze me at their attitude and ideas and I have learned so much from them. They inspire me and challenge me and it is a joy to serve with them. 

But here is where I think I have gone wrong: no one disagreed with me. No one said, "I think it may be too much." Not a peep. (Except shock that I wanted to host a tea) So why is this a leadership fail? Because I do not want everyone at the table to always agree. Not every idea is a good one. I am human-- we all are (I hope). I make mistakes and I need people to tell me when they think I am making one. If I don't have that, if I can't count on someone asking me to develop a thought further or to pray about it together, then where is my accountability? There are two main questions I always ask myself before presenting them to the ministry for discussion:

1. How does this glorify God? Because it must if it is to happen. 

2. What can possibly go wrong with this? Could someone get hurt? What is the risk of it being misinterpreted? Are there any "down sides" to it? 

If I am satisfied with the answers to these questions, then we may proceed. If not, they don't even make it past me. I will not entertain anything that could possible disgrace God's ministry. 

I'm glad my mistake only led to exhaustion. Nothing suffered and no one's walk was damaged. We will rest and regroup and learn from this. We'll learn to balance events and studies. We'll learn to commit to less at a time and space our big things out further. And I will learn to ask my sisters if they have any misgivings and to please speak up!

Because Jesus. He is the whole reason for serving, and the whole reason for living, and He deserves our very best.

Romans 15:5-7

 Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement allow you to live in harmony with one another, according to the command of Christ Jesus,  so that you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ with a united mind and voice.

My Christmas List

I am a list-er. I love to make lists. Been doing it since I was a child. Lists of my toys. Lists of my friends. Lists of my pets. Lists of ideas. 

If you are a list-er, like me, I know you are loving life right now. This is our time. We have lists of Things to Do, Things to Buy, people we need to contact on our Christmas Card List. Then there are the sub-lists: the lists of what we need for the "Things to Do" list. The list of the menu to go with the Grocery List. And the biggest list of the season: the Christmas List. 

This year, I am submitting my Christmas List to all of you who read this blog. I just want you to know what I am thinking about this Christmas. Know, too, that it is in no particular order. Nor is it exhaustive. And for that matter, it isn't addressed to anyone in particular. 
It's just a list, people. Just a list. Here we go: 

1. Snow. Yes, snow. I would love to see inches and inches of fluffy white snow all over the land. Cold as all get out. Trees laden with the kind of snow Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney were hoping for when they sang about it on the train. (If you have no idea what I am talking about I feel very sorry for you right now.)  Snow

2. All the people to be warm in the aforementioned snow. I always feel selfish when I want snow and then think of people who are cold, who may need medical attention, and so on. So this wish goes with #1. Safe driving, strong electrical wires, and plenty of firewood. And smart use of space heaters. 

By now you are beginning to see why I make lists.

3. I would like to see Christmas as I saw it as a child. It would involve shiny garland, spray snow on the windows, and the hard candies that come in a tin and smell spicy and sweet. It would also mean big, over-sized colored lights and the warmest, softest hugs I have ever had. There would be an Ideals magazine on the coffee table and the front door would be wrapped like a present. The stockings would be hung on the banister and Santa would somehow get in the house with the presents even though we had a furnace and a skinny pipe and no fireplace. That could happen then because Christmas was magical and amazing and good. 

4. Time. I would like more time at Christmas. It is so special and beautiful and we only get it for a month or so. Yes, I know, the stuff gets out in the stores early and all. Whatever. I am SO OK with getting sparkly ornaments and colored lights onto store shelves. It beats what's there for the rest of the year! But the festive part, the part of sharing good cheer and kindness and happiness - that part seems to get shorter and shorter. I'd like it to last just a little longer.  Like forever. 

5. I would like for the mean people to be nice. All of them. The ones who dart around us in the parking lot when we're waiting for the disabled person to cross safely. The ones who want to bomb our buildings because we love Jesus. The people who think that they are the only ones with problems or answers or wisdom. The selfish people. The haughty people. The hypocrites. 

The bullies. 

The ones who say they love Jesus but sure don't act very much like Him. Every single one of them just needs to be...nice. I wish for that. 

6. No more cancer. Or Alzheimer's. Or child abuse. The stuff that I have to pray about in the daytime because if I pray about it at night I guarantee I will not sleep. But maybe I'm not supposed to sleep. Because prayer changes things. Prayer works. God has heard my prayers offered from a tear-soaked pillow in the middle of the night and He has answered. Glory. 

7. World sanity. I guess that makes me sound as old as I am. But I just think that the world (and by the world I mean our leaders and those in the media and the governments) has collectively lost its mind- lost its ability to think clearly and act according to sound reasoning. Growing up in the 60s, I saw war, drugs, social injustice and then later justice. I saw assassinations. In the 70s I saw the effects of the war on the ones who came home. I saw people seeking selfish pleasure and then finding it in the 80s. The 90s tried to reestablish the "American Way,' but the 00s saw a new kind of war. One that caused what was left of our character to collapse along with the buildings. I'm waiting and wishing to see us become sane again. 

8. I would like to go to a Christmas Day movie. I hear that people do that. I am fascinated. Are these the people who have their lives so together, so well-managed, that they have time on Christmas Day to get dressed and drive to the movies? All the torn pieces of wrapping paper are picked up, the leftovers put away, the dishes are done and they are rested enough that they will be able to sit in a theater and NOT fall asleep? Or maybe that's their way of escaping to a $10 nap time. Either way, the thought of that is so inviting.
Unless these are the lonely people, in which case it's just sad. 

9. No one to be lonely.  :)

10. Normal light bulbs. I mean, we can buy cigarettes that will kill us, but the government won't allow us to have a decent, soft, light bulb? And for crying out loud will you please bring back the strands of lights with the plugs that allowed my Hallmark ornaments to light up and move and play music and be generally obnoxious. With all of this new LED stuff, Mickey's rocket no longer glows, the NASA space capsule is dark, and Superman is only Clark Kent standing in a phone booth. It just doesn't look the same and it sure doesn't sound the same when I turn on the tree on in the morning. My tree is scary quiet. I think it's plotting against me. 

It's my list and my struggle and it deserves a place. Don't judge. 

11. Better scouting for the Yankees. 

12. For people to "fess up." Stop lying. Stop deceiving. Stop pretending you're something you're not. Just stop it before you embarrass yourself. You're not fooling the only One Who matters. He knows who you are and what you are and what you are doing and He is not pleased with your dishonesty. 

13. To really write. I mean the kind of writing that I love to read. The kind of writing that moves and inspires and makes you want to throw it down and pick up your Bible and race to Jesus. To be a vessel emptied out onto a keyboard and poured straight into a heart. 

and finally

14. More Jesus. There. That's it. The best and biggest thing on my list. With "more Jesus' most of these other things would be taken care of and the rest wouldn't really matter anyway. If we fill ourselves with more of Him, there won't me any more room for the bad things. If we try to live closer to Him, He will stay closer to us. 

If you keep My commands you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commands and remain in His love.  John 15:10

So there you have it. My Christmas list. And, in case you are wondering, blogging about my list was ACTUALLY on my list of things to do. I can check that off now. I feel so much better. I'd love to read what's on your list, so comment below and share your heart. And if you want, I'll add you to my most important list of all: my prayer list.   

Beth's Coming to Norfolk!

Picture this: a lazy summer afternoon on my back porch. Iced tea, iPad, and the sound of birds and wind chimes. The sweet smell of fresh grass and the buzzing of bees pollinating their little hearts out. Summer at its finest. Suddenly the familiar chirp of a text message coming in cuts through the afternoon air and I reach for the phone. I would have ignored it but I had loved-ones traveling. A friend on the road with her husband and his family, as well as my own sister and her friends attending a women's event. 

"It's true, it's in the book AND she just announced it! Beth's coming to Norfolk!" (please insert many more exclamation marks than this)

Now I'd like to tell you what everyone else was doing on the back porch when I started freaking out, but honestly I went into my own little world- my personal mission field- my zone. There was no one there but me, my phone, and Beth's "Siestas."      
The texts started to fly-

"What? When? Are you sure? Are tickets on sale now?"

"ARE. YOU. SURE?"

And thus began the mad flurry of texts, calls, nervous laughter, and the joy that comes when you learn that that your city (when you live in an area that is a metropolis of seven cities, any and every one of them is yours) OUR CITY would be welcoming one of the most gifted Bible teachers of our time. A woman who knows pain, who knows doubt, who knows brokenness and who knows the Lord Who brought her out of all of that and delivered her to share her story and His message with so many others. She brings a word for this time and for this area and unless I get called home, I am not about to miss it!

Never underestimate a woman with a smart phone and a good signal. In a matter of minutes tickets were bought and rooms were reserved. (Hey- do not judge- I know we live here but it is still a Beth Weekend!) Since then we have gathered to plan and to pray. The word is getting out and the Word will be shared. In the mean time, I'll pray for Beth, the praise team, and each woman the Lord brings to this important event-- will you be one of them? 

I'm that little girl. The little girl who wore braids and bangs. The girl who loved to climb trees. Didn't have a treehouse, just a comfy branch and a rope. Tie the books to the rope, scramble up the tree, pull up the books, and read for hours. I was the girl who was fearless. I had a healthy respect for animals and strangers- but I never had fear. I loved my Spyder Bike like a good friend. Knew it like I knew the layout of my back yard. Best bike ever. I'm the girl who kept her favorite stuffed toys and treated them as humans but never really understood Barbies, although I gave it a good try. I'm the little girl who hated dresses but who loved antebellum ball gowns. 
I am the girl who couldn't understand how everyone didn't like history and Jesus and chocolate and I am the girl who loved horses. Not the little pink plastic unicorn things with sparkly eyes, but the real deal. I knew every breed and what they were best suited for. I loved them from the moment I knew what they were. I loved the smell of them. The sound of them. I loved them in such a way that when I called, my pony would come to me when she would come to no one else. I trusted her, she trusted me. No fear. 

I went to the Washington DC International Horse Show yesterday. I was there most of the day. I had a chance to catch up with that little girl. It had been a while since we talked. 

I was glad she was the kind of little girl she was. I was glad that she was fearless. It served her well, although that fearlessness led her to an ability to build up walls that weren't always healthy. She was surprised to hear about my fears. I had chalked them up to becoming older and more sensitive to the bad things of this world; she thinks I've forgotten who I am. 

She was happy to think about my having had two sons; she had always wanted a brother, so raising boys was a dream come true. We both decided that they are our biggest earthly blessing. 

It was a surprise for her to learn that I don't have a horse. Too much travel, bad back, and extra expense. It's ok, though. We have our memories. 

We both thought in silence about Mama. Glad she's at Peace with Jesus. 

We thought about the Jesus picture that hung in the bedroom and how He seemed to move when falling asleep. I'm sure we saw one of the sheep move one night. 

The little girl in me was so happy to know that I am married. Even though she dressed up as a bride a time or two, she never really dreamed of the man she would marry, instead leaving that dream totally up to God. He blessed. 

She was surprised that I own anything pink. I am too. 

We both agree that our sisters are still amazing. Never the little girl to complain about her sisters but who celebrated the fact that they were beautiful, smart, funny, and sweet. We are proud of them and love them with a deep love that will never end. And praise God, it doesn't have to!

I was glad that the little girl I was had been involved in school leadership. I learned a lot at an early age and had she been timid it would never have happened. Her becoming a leader was a direct result of her salvation. Thank God that Billy Graham was on our parents' portable black and white tv that night. Thank God she was watching. Thank God she prayed that prayer when the man with the booming voice, George Beverly Shea, was singing. And thank God He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for her sins and to forgive her and welcome her into a life filled with joy and purpose. Thank God He taught her how to forgive. Romans 10:9 Because we thought for a brief second yesterday about all the things in our life we had to forgive. We have peace. Praise be to God. 

So it was a good day, yesterday. Horses, little girl dreams, and all. Glad I spent time with an old friend: the little girl I was, and the little girl I still am. 

Dealing with Disappointment

Let's be honest. We all get disappointed sometimes. I know, as Christians we are told and taught about joy and sufficiency and perspective and all of the words that describe our position in God's heart and His in ours. We are His and nothing can change that. But there is a little slice of our humanity that remains even after our salvation. The small percentage of our self that takes a look at a negative situation and causes us to hang our head and sigh. Because no matter how much we try, no matter how hard we try to perceive it and spin it and put it into a better perspective,  

 and even no matter how hard we pray, 

some outcomes are just not...good. 

This is dangerous territory I'm in. If you don't read carefully what I write carefully, we both may come away from this misled and misunderstood. But I think it is important enough to share, since I have been disappointed lately. 

My hopes were set on something, my trust given, and I allowed myself to be vulnerable only to have the outcome not be what I would have hoped for. In a kind-of big way. I'm not going to go into any more detail for a couple of reasons. I don't want to bring hurt to anyone and I wouldn't want to limit this to a specific situation. When forgiveness happens, which it has, one doesn't bring blame. It simply isn't productive, nor is it what this is about. 

This is about why we become disappointed. 

I am not a counselor. I say that often in this blog, partly for legal reasons and partly because I know I don't have all the answers and I don't want you to think that I think that I do. Only One has all of them and He is your Counselor. I do know, however, a few things after living on the planet for 56 years. So I want to outline three main reasons I think we, especially we Christians, experience disappointment. 

1. We create unrealistic expectations. 

Face it, we want our spouse to be successful, intelligent, attractive, and attentive at all times and also not to leave anything where it doesn't belong. We expect our children to have straight As, letter in all sports, be accomplished musicians, and have no cavities. We want our jobs to be fulfilling and we want the copier to never be "down." And we want church to be uplifting at all times with minimal effort from us because we want to serve but we DO NOT want the stress! And we want everything else to look EXACTLY like it looks on Pinterest. Every. Single. Time. 
Not gonna happen. Why? Here's an answer my sons are tired of hearing:

This isn't heaven. 

Did you get that? How can we expect perfection when there is NO WAY that it can be achieved on earth? We may get things right sometimes, but I assure you it can not and will not happen every time. Heaven happens in heaven. 

In addition, and mostly, we need to realize that we aren't in control. God is. Now we have free will given to us by Him, and we can decide to forgive, to be less demanding, to exhale just a bit and to loosen our grip on the steering wheel. Or we can continue to try to own the entire situation and make it come out just like we want- but is that really the best for us? We have no clue because we're not God and this, again, my friends, isn't heaven. As sad as it is to admit, things are sometimes not going to be fair.

How can that be, you ask? Simple: sin exists. And as long as there is sin, there will be disappointment. And the very best thing that you and I can do about it is pray for ourselves and others not to fall victim to sin and, when it does occur, to recognize it for what it is and ask for forgiveness and turn away from it. 

When you create an expectation of a situation or even of someone, you never take sin into account, do you? Sin is that variable that we cannot predict. Satan is always waiting to pounce. He is on the prowl 
(1 Peter 5:8) and wants to devour us. You. Me. Sin is present in our lives, my sisters, and no one is immune. Not the Sunday School teacher or the waiter or even we who fail to give everything to God for Him to handle in His time and in His way. That lack of faith leads to our own control and our own ultimate disappointment. 

Someone very close to me once advised me to "lower my expectations." It was during a very stressful time at a job and many of the people I worked with were...stressing me out! They were individually behaving in ways that collectively were more than my mind or blood pressure could handle. Each morning, as I would walk in the door, I began to remind myself that I was expecting too much from these coworkers. And I was expecting too much from myself. 

You see, 

there's 

God,

and then there's

us.  

All of us. Not some hierarchy that man has created. Yes, there are bosses and governments - there would be chaos without it. But we are all really the same in the eyes of our Lord and so we are wrong to expect anything better than human behavior from each other. Even if it disappoints us. Because in the end, He is and always will be, in control. Trust Him and only Him. 

Give it to God. Lay it down. Let it go. Daily, sometimes hourly. Put little reminders around the house. Have a friend remind you. 

Why? Keep reading. 

2. We doubt. 

Take your Bible and open it to what looks like the center. With most Bibles, this will land you smack in the middle of Psalms. Right there, in the center of the Word of God, is this huge roller coaster of emotions crying out to God in praise and anguish, in glory and fear, in jubilation and in doubt. 

A great deal of it written by none other than David. Aren't you thankful God used David in the way He did? An unassuming hero, an adulterer, a murderer, a king. If David, in all of his humanity, in his success and in his sin, could be loved so deeply by God that the Son of Man would come from David's line, don't you know that God has great things planned for us? 

Yet we doubt Him. We doubt each other. We doubt ourselves. 

So did Thomas. I mean, here was a guy who had traveled right alongside Jesus. He had eaten with Him, served with Him, and sat at His feet and actually listened to Him. But he needed proof. Jesus brought Himself to Thomas as that proof. Thomas saw the scars. Touched the hands. And he was forever changed. 
Read about Thomas here. 

Stop for a moment, next time you are doubting, and ask for Him to show Himself to you in a way that you can feel. I'm not saying that there will be an audible or visible sign, but I am saying that if you call on the Lord with honesty, He will draw near enough that you will know without any doubt He is right there in your pain, in your fear, and in your sadness. 

3. We refuse to try.

You've heard the saying, "Everyone complains about the weather, but no one does anything about it." The same can be said for us when we are disappointed: everyone is disappointed at some time in life- but are we doing anything about it? Stop complaining and get out there and make a difference. And, if your expectations simply aren't going to be met, then move on. Try something new. Reach that goal from a different path! Don't be afraid to change if it is what God is leading you to do! 

Do you think that God is any less of Himself when you change your mind? Is He going to love you any less or cut back on your blessings just because you decide to make a move in a different direction? Do you really think that's the kind of God we have? Of course you don't. 

The disappointment and offense that takes place when we are not welcomed or when we don't feel appreciated can sometimes lead to our turning away from church altogether. Hurt feelings and unkind words can linger for years and will build a wall that is very hard to break down. We cannot give up on God. We cannot give up on the Holy Spirit within us. And we cannot give up on our calling to serve and the commission to reach others. 

So whether you are disappointed with others or with yourself, try this: speak your disappointment to the Lord. Tell Him what is really hurting you. Seek His guidance in what to do-- then do it. But be sure to know that His answer may not come in your time but it will always come in His time. And it will always be perfect. 

And He will never disappoint you. Jeremiah 29:11

Be careful when you blame the devil. 

How's that for an opener? Is Dolly going soft toward Lucifer? Is she joining the "dark side?" 

Heavens, no. But I am bothered by statements that put all the blame on Satan and none on ourselves. As fallible humans, we have the ability to make bad choices, to make mistakes, to use poor judgment, and to just be wrong. And when our mistakes are discovered it's so easy to say "Satan is really working hard today" or "I'm not going to let evil win!" After all, it is much easier to hand the blame off to the devil instead of owning up to our own blunder. 

All week long we know Sunday is coming. Gracious, we even look forward to it as part of our "weekend." We relax on Friday night, do some chores on Saturday; maybe we throw something on the grill and head inside after the marshmallows are browned and the lightning bugs are sleeping. We set the alarm and fall into bed. Zzzzzz. Thank goodness for the snooze button. 

WHAAT????

Morning already? What am I going to wear? Where's my Bible? What time does service start? I.Need.Coffee.  

You get into church while the greeting time is going on and what do you say?? 

"Satan sure wanted me to stay home today!" 

In a way you are correct. Yes, the devil would have been thrilled if you had stayed home; after all, you hung out with him all week! But you have to own up to your poor judgment all along and the fact that, for 6 days prior, church was an afterthought. Now that you are up against the wire, it's suddenly vitally important. Wasn't it important enough to plan for? 

What about when we make mistakes in our home, at school, or at work? It's so easy to say that Satan is attacking us when, in reality, we may have spoken too quickly, been ill-prepared, or have neglected to put the time in that we need to in order to perform well. Again, the devil gets satisfaction from the outcome, but we have not lived up to the standard set for us. 

Colossians 3:23  Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 

We must, as Christ-followers, be ready and willing to admit our own flaws without casting blame on someone else -- and in many cases that "someone else" is Satan. After all, by placing the blame on him, I'm suddenly freed from any type of reparation. 

Oops...didn't get to that appointment today. Satan's really working overtime on me, ha ha! 

Yeah. No. 

In light of the recent SCOTUS decision, I have been convicted that I, too, have laid the blame at the feet of evil without first placing my knees at the foot of the cross. We all knew this was coming. We saw the warning signs but we - I - remained silent. Now we are reaping and reeling from the consequences. It's easy to say that "it's the way of the world" and "we live in a godless society." People, there is "the church" and there is "the world" and that is simply how it is going to be. Yes, the line has been blurred by some whose interpretation of Scripture differs greatly; but the truth is still the truth and God alone will have the final say.

And Satan cannot make me do anything that I don't allow. 

Until my day of judgment I plan to live my life according to God's plan, on His terms, and in His will to the very best of my ability. Will I slip every now and then, and fall short? Yes, I'm human. But I must, and I will, take the responsibility for my own mistakes and bad choices. And I will be careful where I lay the blame.  

There was a little turtle in the yard the other day. I spotted him first thing, when my husband and I were headed out to the back porch to do our devotion and say our prayers. 

THAT'S HIM ⤴   

To say I was excited is an understatement. I love turtles. I mean, what's not to love about a turtle? Determined, purposeful, peaceful, and efficient. And cute. Don't forget the cuteness. Take another look at the picture if you need to. He's really a handsome turtle. 

So there he was, making his way through the grass. It was like a thick jungle to him. And the distance must have seemed endless. What if that had been me? Would my journey be as steady and purposeful? Would I have continued to struggle and push, only to stop and rest for a bit and then begin again? But on he went, heading only to the place God was telling him to go to.  Once or twice he'd hunker down and I would almost not be able to see him. (Yes, ok, I'm busted: I was praying with one eye open sometimes) But it was a turtle-- in our yard-- and I wanted to enjoy every moment of it! 

It really didn't take him long to move from the middle of the yard where he was when we first saw him to the side yard. Of course, now we were all on High Alert since we needed to check all around and under the cars before we left. It was just like when I had the wreath on the door too late after Christmas so I called it a Valentine wreath (hey, the red worked, don't judge) and the finches came. I could not handle the pressure of the birds on the door. Now to have a turtle somewhere under a car or a tire...too much. 

But this turtle, just like us, was not alone. He had Someone watching over him that was WAY better than me. He had his Creator watching him, guiding him, and protecting him. Although the turtle was entrusted to us to care for him and to have dominion over him, we need not try to interfere with the plan God had for him. Sure, the grass was high for that turtle; but it wasn't high for God. 

As I struggle with the high grass of life I hope to be reminded of the turtle and his journey. The God who gave him purpose gives me mine. Did the turtle hear his Maker tell him where to go? I don't know; I don't speak Turtle. 

But God does. 

And He speaks to all of us through the Holy Spirit living within us. So press on, little turtle, and so will I. Because the one Who made us has a plan, and I can't wait to see where it takes us.