My husband and I love to travel. It thrills us to see places we have never seen before. To see how people live in different areas and circumstances is always eye-opening. But we also have our favorite places that we return to year after year. The kind of places where we no longer feel like tourists, but more like a visitor. We know these places and, to some extent, they know us. I tend to feel a sense of ownership in these towns and cities. I know certain roads and buildings and when they change I am sometimes shocked! I think to myself "I didn't know they were putting up that stoplight," or "I had no idea that store was going out of business." When it's a place I care about, I want to know what's going on and what is planned. I'm invested in the place, the people. 

Sometimes when I am on one of my long drives around my hometown area I try to look at my surroundings as though I am one of the many tourists who come here year after year. We locals tend to forget that this is a resort area (for those of us who live far away from the beach it's easy to do). This is a Favorite Place for many people. I recently helped coordinate a wedding in Virginia Beach. One of my tasks was to deliver gift bags to the hotels where the out-of-town guests were staying. As I entered one of the hotels, so did a bus load of tourists. Over 40 people stood in front of me in various kinds of beachwear ready for Fun in the Sun! Inflatable sea dragons, huge beach hats, and lawn chairs now decorated the Hilton lobby. Oh yeah- I'm at the Beach. It's so easy to forget that! They had traveled from Pennsylvania to make memories here. What kind would they make? Would we, the native Virginians, be good hosts? While driving home I tried to look at the interstate signs through their eyes and I wondered if the tourists had difficulty getting about? Some of our signs don't make a lot of sense unless you already know the area. (East and West don't always mean East and West)

I also look at our areas off the main highways. You know, the places we gaze at that are near the off-ramps: they have the obligatory Target, a grocery store of some kind, a Chinese restaurant. There now seems to be a Starbucks at every exit much like there is one on every block in NYC. Do these places look inviting and welcoming to our visitors? Are they easy to get to and when we are there are they warm and inviting?

This thought came to me one night at church. I was looking around during our Wednesday fellowship meal and I switched into What if I Came In as a Visitor mode...What would I think as I entered and saw people greeting each other? I am happy to say that I liked what I saw! There were seniors arriving and doors being held for them by children who didn't even know them--they just knew it was the right thing to do. That, my friends, is good home training. There were people greeting each other as though they had been on an extended trip- it had only been since Sunday - but Oh! sometimes the weeks are so long and we need to gather again as family and just...exhale. There was laughter, there was fellowship, and there was joy.

And then, and then- there was prayer. It is not unusual to see small groups of people off to the side huddled, leaning in, arms around each other-praying. To be a newcomer arriving for the first time to that environment! It is church at its finest because IT is US. And for that moment we were living out what we should be doing all the time.

So what about when we aren't there? What are we like then, when no one we know is watching (except the One Who knows us best)? Are we greeting people with a smile? Do we hold doors for each other? 

Do we care?

Are we living the "greatest commandment" daily and publicly? Would the waiter, the store clerk, the driver in front of you say that you loved him as yourself? What about the customer service rep after you've held on long enough to go through the loop of bad hold music...twice? 

My husband and I have recently discovered the joy of hiking. Before you become concerned, know that we're not going nuts here with climbing mountains and such. We go nowhere that requires any sort of "equipment." Our interest mainly revolves around seeing God's creation while wearing super comfy shoes. I'm talking very gentle terrain and clearly marked trails. (Except that time in West Va but we'll chalk that up to the thin mountain air.) One of the things hikers are instructed to do is to leave the trail better than how you found it. (Pick up trash, don't disturb foliage, etc.) It's amazing how messy and careless so-called Nature Lovers can be. There are hikers who are paid by the park service just to go into the hills and clean up after other hikers. Really? You're going to strap on a back pack and grab a bottle of water and then go high up into some of the most beautiful places on God's planet, take pictures and blog and be left breathless not from the altitude but from the beauty and then leave your granola wrappers on a log? So then it hits me: Are we leaving our trail better than we found it? Are we leaving that customer service rep with the feeling that there was something special about us? Was the driver in front of you blessed by not being tailgated? 

Was the waiter's day actually better because he had your table? 

As we all go through this journey, in the temple or outside the city gates, let's try to remember that we are always responsible for the way we leave our trail. 

The past two weeks have been a wild ride. Over the course of 13 days our ministry hosted our first Beth Moore simulcast, I helped coordinate the wedding of the daughter of my dear friend, endured personal drama (and I am not a fan of drama), and watched with watery eyes (by watery eyes I mean I sobbed like a baby) as Derek Jeter said goodbye to Yankee Stadium. In classic Jeter style, his exit was triumphant, poignant, and inspiring. 

Derek Jeter had no idea what the outcome of that game would be. I am sure there were several exit strategies that could have taken place as the game drew to a close. Manager Joe Girardi had his own plan, and it always involved Jeter staying in for the whole game. At 40 years old he is still as vital a member of the team in many ways as in his first season. (if you doubt that you must not have seen the 9th inning last night) If the Yankees had remained in the lead, he may have been met on the field by the other members of the Core Four, as in the beautiful exit of Mariano Rivera just last year when Jeter and Pettitte went to the mound.  They were there last night, his former teammates: Rivera, Pettitte, and his best friend Jorge Posada. So were many others who were close to him over the years. One plan was to have them exit into the tunnel to the clubhouse together, symbolizing Jeter's imminent retirement. 

But the lead did not last and so play continued in the last home game this season at Yankee Stadium. Jeter, clearly touched by the moment, managed to steel his emotions and do what he has done better than most for 20 seasons: play baseball. 

In his final game at The Stadium, he taught us all again to just keep going. Through his grand Farewell Tour, where at every stop he was showered with gifts, donations to his beloved Turn 2 Foundation, and the accolades of a career that only and always traveled the high road, he grew more and more aware of the day when he would say goodbye. But the focus was always on winning. He just kept going and never stopped to be anything but a man of integrity. 

So as I have had this week (or 13 days) where I have been on the mountaintop and somewhere near the valley, where I have had things go as planned and where I have been totally blindsided, where I have been both an observer and the observed, I will take a lesson from Derek Jeter: I will continue to just be myself. 

In his post-game interview Jeter said that the only thing he wanted to take with him from Yankee Stadium was the memory of the view from his position as shortstop. That when he went out there after the game, he said a prayer of gratitude and took a last look. He said he always prayed before every game as well. It struck me then that we never heard anything about him praying before. I'm not surprised to know that he relies on God- just look at how he has lived his life. He has tried to be no more than a good ball player and a person who remained above the fray. He has done just that. I knew that he had served as best man in Posada's wedding, Posada being a man of deep faith, as are of course, Rivera and Pettitte. I was pleased to know that he prayed and I can only hope that he shares a faith that will carry him through the next phase of his life on earth as well as carry him into the arms of our Savior one day.  As he remembers his view from the position where he out-played and out-lasted so many, he will do so from a leader's perspective, a captain's perspective. He will look back and know that he remained a person of character. Respect. 

None of us knows what will transpire between our beginning and our end. But it's how we conduct ourselves, how we act and react, how we treat each other - and ourselves-  that will determine how we look back on our lives and how others view us. We can all learn from Jeter's example in some way- work hard, stay focused, give back, and pray at the beginning and at the end. And always treat each other and yourself, with respect. 

Whatever Happened to Telling the Truth?

Whatever happened to telling the truth?

Really. Why do more and more people think it's ok to lie? Ok, I am even going to go that extra step and say that, by lying I mean the following:

lie: to tell or say something that is not true

deceive: to say or do something that will lead someone to a conclusion that is not true

lie of omission: purposely leaving out one or more important details that would change the outcome of your opinion (which was expecting the truth)

(these are my own definitions based on what annoys and infuriates me and I can do that because it's my blog)

I know, I know. There have been lies for as long as there have been people. Good old Adam and Eve were guilty of leaving out some very important information when God was asking about the forbidden fruit. They didn't drive the point home too well, either, since Cain got a little defensive and thought he could dodge the question by getting sarcastic with...GOD!!  (Don't you love how God asks questions that He already knows the answers to?) Well, I love it when He does it to other people. Frankly it can be a little irritating when He does it to me. 

So admitting that I totally get that it has been happening since forever, I tend to lay the blame of the modern epidemic of the acceptance of lying at the feet of a certain president who said something didn't happen with a certain person and it did and he later admitted it and tried to re-define certain activities in order to weasel out of the TRUTH. And now he has some "global initiatives" and writes books and makes millions and all the while hasn't really owned up to the lies. THE LIES. Hear me. People who cheat, who lie, who manipulate, who deceive, who purposely omit are somehow held in esteem and granted positions of celebrity or power, and those of us who call them out are deemed - here we go--

intolerant.

unkind.

mean-spirited.

We need to understand, we are told, that we don't know the pressures these great people are under. We don't know what it's like to walk in their shoes. We aren't living their life so we mustn't judge. 

WHAT?? 



If you have ever been lied to, then you know. Right? YOU GET IT. You have been led to believe a thing only to find that everything was based upon a lie. So many emotions and feelings follow this; AND THAT'S OK! It's just fine to have righteous anger turned toward lies and deceit and all the other evil activity of someone who is caught up in sin. Because it is sin

and (oh, yeah.)  we are all guilty of it.

Not necessarily the same exact sin. No, we all don't have to be guilty of every sin all the time forever and for all the days in order to have sinned. But we do sin and so it is important to separate the sin from the sinner.

Ok, say we've done that. Now what?

Call it out. See it for what it is. Let it be known that it is unacceptable and that

IT ENDS HERE.

It is time to accept responsibility for our actions and it is time to stop being so understanding and sympathetic to the liars and the cheats and the deceivers.Yes, we must forgive. But we must also ADDRESS THE SIN.

Recently I had on a TV show that showed someone saying something about another person. (yes, reality; don't you dare judge--it was when I was sofabound) On the show, the person denied saying it. Mind you now, they were on camera. ON CAMERA. Do you know, they still demanded an apology from the victim. Said they were "wounded, hurt." Said they were misunderstood and under a great deal of stress.

OH, PLEASE.

If by a great deal of stress you mean that you are a pathological liar, then I'll buy it.



THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS. Exodus 20:16

A FALSE WITNESS WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED, AND WHOEVER POURS OUT LIES WILL NOT GO FREE. Proverbs 19:5

It doesn't get much clearer that that. 

So yeah, I'm a little fired up. A little annoyed. Ok, a lot annoyed. After all, I have to be truthful...I must tell the truth. After all, I am my brother's keeper. 







I wondered how long it would take. Now I know. I am already annoyed with people and I have only been released to drive for 3 days.

Anytime you start your day three miles from the North Carolina/Virginia border, head all the way to the oceanfront, then all the way to western Chesapeake, then back to the border you are bound to encounter a little traffic. Mix in the fact that it is still tourist season and there you have it. Fun times. This area had traffic challenges already. A hot, humid day in Coastal Virginia means thunderstorms by afternoon. That means fender-benders at the very least. Which mean five-mile backups. Welcome to driving again, Frankenfoot. Sorry, buddy.

The first part of the day went so well-- I knew it would because it involved one of my dearest friends who thinks and acts and prays and sees things through a beautiful outlook on life and is always, always, a blessing to be around. So thankful I have this happy memory to draw from!

Even the second and third parts of the day were great. So many sweet people in my life-- I am so blessed. Drawing closer to another sister in the faith is always a comforting experience. I am happy to drive miles and miles to bond with daughters of the King.

But the getting there. Oh, friends, the getting there. When did I become the woman who has no patience for those who never learned their "right of way" laws? Who is this woman who sees the young mother dash across Pacific Ave with her daughter in a stroller and actually contemplates turning around and telling her how precious that life is that she just risked? Who am I now? I know- I am the same person who was always that way-- I just hadn't experienced that side of me since May!

Today was my first official trip to the grocery store. Granted it happened after a very full day-- a very good day-- but still it was my first trip to pick up a few things for dinner. My foot/leg/back all combined to create one giant ache. Swelling like never before. I'm done and just have this one last stop; I can make it. Yes, I am limping, but with the help of the cart I can disguise it as a glide. I've got this all under control. As long as it isn't too crowded.

It was crowded. Since some schools have already started and some will begin in just a few days, many were shopping for lunch box fillers and the rest were just off of work and strolling, zombie-like, in search of having the easiest thing magically jump into their cart with the following requirements: easy to fix, with limited cleanup, yet provide all the nutrition their family will require for the rest of their lives. I remember those days. I feel you, sisters. Be sure to pick up some more Nutella. You're welcome.

The lines were long, my friend. Long and slow. AND BY THE WAY THEY NEED TO DEDICATE ENTIRE LINES FOR THE EXTREME COUPON PEOPLE BECAUSE I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH. JUST STOP IT.

Happiness and concern fought it out as I was finally at the check out. I was glad to be there but I realized that I was going to have to let go of the cart that had been holding me up for the past FOURTEEN minutes. But I was home free-- at last I was 'in the process of leaving." That's it, Miss Cashier Lady, ring those things up and yes, plastic will be fine. I know, the environment will turn on my grandchildren for my selfishness, but right now, it's fast and I don't care. I will own that burden and apologize for it later. Right now, keep bagging.

Except not. Because Miss Cashier Lady wants to carefully examine my bottle of fizzy water to see  if contains Aspertame. Honestly. The line is seven people deep and she wants to know if it has artificial sweetener so she can know whether to give it to her son. AND SHE IS LOOKING AT THE INGREDIENTS AND NOT RINGING ME UP! And this is ok with her. No one on this grocery bag-polluted planet has time for this right now or ever. Smiling and nodding I am just about to blow. And my foot is about to bust right out of the Easy Spirit mule I have it stuffed into.

Then she comes across the Benadryl I am buying, which must have had "Let's discuss your allergies" printed somewhere on the box, because now I know what she is and is not allergic to. Which leads her to wonder if the fizzy water contains food coloring because she's not sure but her son may be allergic to food coloring so she is very careful about that. (which all the time is implying that I don't give a hoot about my own health or the health of my family because I am buying a cart full of chemicals to go home and cook so they can wash it down with fake fizzy water.)

I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I was buying the Benadryl because I may very well be allergic to the internal stitches that are still trying to dissolve in my foot which is why it feels like about a million fire ants are crawling on it. Know why I didn't go off?? Because just a few days ago I had to go and write a post on Facebook about how we need to be good encouragers and spread the love of Jesus as much as possible. Well, my smiling and nodding were as much Jesus as I was able to spread right then and He knows it so typing it doesn't make any better or worse it just keeps it real for you people who read my musings. I did manage a very genuine smile and a "thank you and have a nice evening" that I know were delivered with as much compassion as possible, given the fact that I could not longer even feel my foot.

So you will all be pleased to know that tomorrow I intend to stay home all day. I will not attempt any venture to the store or the oceanfront or the mall or anything. I may be physically ready for it but emotionally I am not.

And in case there was any question, I'm back.

Hallelujah: I am now mobile! I can get around on my own- for the most part- with no assistance from any kind of...contraption. Being able to carry my own bowl of oatmeal in my own hands to my own chair was such a joy- I missed the independence so badly. The comfort of being able to be a little more self-sufficient was like meeting an old friend after a long separation. I still can't drive, but I can go up and down stairs by myself. The ability to go into rooms that I hadn't entered in over two months was weird, I have to say.

Negotiating the stairs is a little tricky. In order to master them on two feet I, once again, consulted my PT friend. I was worried that she would get annoyed by my questions; I felt like I needed to somehow "work in" the need for her professional opinion and instruction. (in reality, nothing is further from the truth- she totally answered all questions with joy) 
The conversation, texted I think, went sort-of like this.
Me: How are you?
Her: Fine, you?
Me: Fine. Sold two more tickets for the Simulcast.
Her: Great!
Me: So I may be able to go up the stairs! (I am so subtle!)
Her: Awesome. Up with the good, down with the bad.
Me: Thanks!

Well, it wasn't exactly like that, but almost. "Up with the good, down with the bad." Because I am a klutz and a visual learner, I also relied on YouTube. And while I am in the mood to type, let me say this about YouTube PT instructions: Hey, why don't you use people who are actually INJURED on there?? How about putting a person on there whose foot is wrapped up like a football and has four incisions and a rod and they are on mind-altering drugs to dull the pain and cause blurred vision? How about that? Let's see that instead of the clear-headed semi-professional athlete assisted by the calm voice of authority in pink scrubs. The therapists all look like they just did another marathon last week and they are clearly full weight-bearing and not struggling with any kind of impairment. On a good day, I could pop up and down the steps on one foot. Even with the obvious healthy person giving the instructions, the mantra from both, it seems, is in agreement: begin the ascent of the stairs with the good foot, and the descent with the bad one. 

Sounds simple enough. I begin my trek upstairs with my Good Foot. You know, the non-surgically altered, beat up, swollen, tender, red and pathetic one. Since so much of the pain has subsided, I have to remind myself to do this. It's pretty easy to remember if I look down: it's the one with the post op shoe on it that is about a size and a half too big now that I no longer look like I have a cartoon foot. I have to be careful of it because it is such a big shoe (they wanted it to extend over the rod and I thank them so much for that).  So, gathering up my bravery, I whisper my mantra to myself: Up with the good. Up with the good.

Up with the good.

 

 

Reminds me of Scripture, you know? I think of Paul's letter to the church at Philippi. His brothers and sisters whom he loved so much were in conflict. They were hurting, angry, and in need of kind guidance. In Philippians 4:8, Paul writes, "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." He may have just said "Up with the good," except Paul was a lot more eloquent. So as I climb my stairs one at a time, I let my good foot lead the way. And I offer my bad foot that same kind guidance. I know there are still things that I cannot do. But I am careful not to dwell on those things. I think of the good, the right, the "honorable and true." I make sure that my footing is sound and sure before I move forward. I don't want to place myself in a precarious position, for I can't afford to waiver or fall. A few days ago I forgot and almost took a step up with the "bad foot." It scared me! I wasn't sure what would happen and I sure didn't want to go against my doctor's orders.

Don't you want to be like that in your walk with Christ? So afraid to go against the Father's wishes and commands that you shudder in your step when you get off the path?



When I get to the top of the stairs I am so relieved. I did it. I followed the directions and I am able to continue on my way effectively. Had I not "done the right thing" I would be unable to function properly; I may suffer a setback and end up worse off than before. Up with the good.

Now to go downstairs. Why is going down something so much more difficult? If going up is like multiplication, going down is long division. (and now you know how much I dislike math) Standing at the top of the stairs and looking down is ominous. Gravity seems to want to pull me down faster than I want to come. Oh, sure, back when I was doing this by sliding on my bottom it was a piece of cake. (it's cake actually that gave me the extra padding that made me able to do it so well on my bottom!) But now, standing there with the Big Shoe and all, Mr. Gravity wants to mess with my head a little. He phoned his friends, Doubt and Confusion and they are here for the party. Then I remember: Down with the bad. Down with the bad.

Just as God's Word manifested itself to me going up the stairs, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I need to "put down the bad." Again Paul's writing speaks to me from the book of Colossians this time. Chapter 3, beginning with Verse 5 reads:  ^"So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.  Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world.
But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language.  Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like Him.  In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and He lives in all of us."

Down with the bad.

 

I plant the foot that has been through so much firmly on the step below me. As I hold on to the rail, I bring the strong, sure foot alongside it. One step at a time. I make sure to pace myself and not to go too fast or to get ahead of myself. Or worse, to get ahead of God. I rely on Him to set my path and I would never want to stray from it, even though I sometimes do. But every time I ask Him to, He guides me back to the right direction and I can continue to try my best to do His will. Before I know it I am at the bottom of the stairs on solid, even ground. Praises go up!

 

I know that in time I will be able to walk up and down stairs normally. I will, Lord willing, continue to heal and to become stronger and more confident. But I hope I will remember "up with the good, down with the bad" as I continue to grow in Christ. I want to be reminded to put aside the things that do not honor my Savior and I want to ponder the things that bring Him glory. I want to be the woman He created me to be, and I want to hear that kind, gentle voice guiding me to "set my sights on the realities of heaven and to think about the things of heaven and not of the earth." I want to remember all of these things, even when I can finally wear matching shoes!

 

 

Extremely Random Thoughts

• I do not fully understand Pinterest.
• I am glad that, because of my foot surgery, I can no longer wear heels. Never liked wearing them anyway.
• I don't waste time regretting anything. It is not productive. Just get busy.
• Here in Virginia, they are Lightning bugs.
• I do not like the new style of flat-billed baseball caps.
• I am ready for a major change.
• I am losing patience and gaining patience at the same time.
• I have no more time to waste on mean people.
• I fear having to choose between Nutella and ___________.
• Just tell the truth.
• I am totally addicted to Zillow.
• I wish someone in my family had a British accent so I could just listen to them talk.
• If I remember something that should have been on a list, I write it down so I can scratch it off.
• I have never had a pedicure. Never will.
• I still hold on to hope that I have not ridden a horse for the last time.
• Not all old people are wise.
• All my life I have tried to like eggnog. I have tried it for the last time. It had its chance.
• I have grown tired of the internet.
• Biggest pet peeve: being interrupted.
• There are some things that I am so passionate about that I cannot even talk about it.
• Now, on a bad day, I can say, "Well at least I don't have a rod in my foot."
• I am a history nerd.
• It's not just what you say, it's how you say it. (whole blog on this coming soon)
• Puppies are the best.
• Also horses.
• The threat of having to be on the ground being handcuffed is enough of a deterrent to me. Have you actually looked in a gutter? Oh so gross.
• Stop trying to please people and just please God.
• Think--THINK-- before you speak.
• Everyone has issues. You are not alone and they are not perfect.
• I am a loyal friend.
• I am so patriotic it can cause me physical pain.
• I am a Virginian.
• I am always speechless at the first glimpse of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

And with that vision in mind I will end for now. Whoever you are, wherever you are, may God bless you by meeting your every need and may He show you His love right now. He is waiting for you to draw near.

Reflections after seven weeks on a sofa...

Part 1- Blessings

• I have so much to be thankful for. My life, here and later. My constant companion, Jesus. My husband. My family. My friends. My foot's progress.
• Air-conditioning. Oh my gracious- I cannot imagine this without it. In the early days/weeks, my body temp would go from cold to hot in a second. Freeze, burn up. Repeat. Thank you Lord for a cool home. And limited power outages. Summertime in Coastal Virginia. You never know.
• Friends who cook. No kidding, the first weeks when I couldn't really be thinking about how to organize food for three men, my friends showed up. With MEALS. Not just easy stuff- I'm talking The Real Deal. New definition of Comfort Food.
• Modern. Day. Medicine. Nerve blocks, pain medication, alternatives to medications that do not work, Benadryl (for when you become allergic to the fancy paper gown they make you wear for the surgery). Anesthesia. Oxygen. Antibiotic that you are NOT allergic to. All of it. Every bit. Good stuff, the stuff we have these days.
• Netflix. Pain meds tend to blur your vision. Big TVs compensate for that and offer you endless British dramas and series. Steady on.

Part 2- Things to have on hand if you ever have foot surgery

• The walker bag ( if you use a walker) This invention was already sweet because it was a gift from a dear friend, and sweeter because it was made by her aunt who is now with the Lord, but y'all I cannot possibly say all the words needed to tell you how much easier this made my life! Things in there right now: tissues, lip gloss, jewelry (b/c I want it on to make me feel normal but then it gets on my nerves), hair brush, crackers, hand sanitizer. More stuff that I am too embarrassed to tell you about. I stuff my phone into its pocket when I go from room to room just in case I fall and have to call for help. I am nothing if not realistic. In the morning it holds magazines or books; by lunchtime it becomes a picnic basket. I slide my cup into it when I go to the kitchen. While there I load it with the yogurt or the cookies or the apple. Yes, I slid cookies in there. Don't judge until you've hobbled a mile on my walker. See what I did there? 

 But honestly this thing is a must-have item.

• The shower chair. Didn't know if/when I would need it but Divine Intervention led me to it at Bed Bath and Beyond. It was the best $35 investment I made in a long time. I use it to get in and out of the house because crutches=instant death. I use it at the top of the stairs to initiate descent and landing. Oh, yeah, and I use it for what it is actually intended for. I'm thinking of keeping it around because it's just been so helpful. I am not graceful; I cannot be too prepared.
• The Bible. Print, apps, online. Have them all. You will reach for them often. Amen.
• Soft pillows. Lots of them.
• Freshening wipes. Preferably cold.
• Hand sanitizer. Not only for your hands but for the walker grips. Ew.
• A good cross-body bag. I am using one from Blue Avocado. It's made from recycled t-shirts by previously impoverished and exploited women. I may be down, but I can still do my part. Here's the link: http://www.blueavocado.org/
• And if your little girl ever shows an interest in gymnastics or dance-- feed that! Sign her up! And while you are sitting and waiting for her to finish yet another practice/performance/recital, know that one day if she has foot surgery she will whisper thanks while washing her hands, brushing her teeth, and getting dressed. The skill of balancing on one leg for an inordinate length of time will become invaluable. Friends, flamingoes have nothing on me at this point.

I got this.

Part 3- Lessons Learned

• Rely on God. He is your strength. Philippians 4:13 has never been more true in my life. He is my "Walker." I lean on Him when I rise and when I rest. He is my Firm Foundation. He is my Rock. He is my source of peace and discernment. Draw near, friend.
• Do not underestimate yourself. Refer to above. Literally and figuratively.
• You will become stronger. Not just spiritually, I mean. Being non-weight bearing means that something is going to be bearing the weight, just not that foot. So, it's a choice between your good foot and your arms. Basically, you need to be prepared to lift yourself every time you take a step. Yeah. Good for the carpal tunnel issue. Ha! Not really.
• This changed me. This hiatus, I mean. People had said to me "Well, maybe this will help you slow down a little." Are you kidding me?? I didn't SLOW DOWN, I flat-out STOPPED. In my Sketchers at 5:30 AM and on the sofa by 1:30 PM. For the next month and a half. That does weird things to you, when you are used to going ANYWHERE YOU WANT ALL THE TIME. Now I understand how the monks feel when they are silent. No, I'm not alone all the time or silent all the time, but there is an element of solitude to life when you are limited. I thought I would become stir-crazy. I thought I would be anxious and edgy and impatient. And there are times when I have felt that way. But there is a greater sense of...calm. A peace. I see all the things happening around me and I...observe. The recent series of Big Storms that we have had greatly affected me. Dark skies, gusty winds, hail and sharp lightning are reasons for caution. Now greet them in a room alone with your walker as your only means of immediate escape. Tends to make a person become more introspective.

        James tells us to be "slow to speak" and I know I will. But I will also be

       less reluctant. I am more concerned with things like truth. Kindness. Joy.

Part 4- Things to Do

• Follow instructions. Not only from your doctor, but from those you love and who love you.
• Take your pain medication. Don't worry about becoming addicted. You won't need it that long and it will help you rest and not drive everyone around you insane.
• Ask for help. I am so bad at this. At least I was. Not now.
• Be honest. If it hurts, say so. If you want to have quiet, ask for it. No one minds. If they do, they are able to get up and go to another place; you can't, therefore you win for now.
• Gather all the comfy clothes and prepare to wear them for a long time. It's not a fashion show--it's time to be relaxed.
• Blog.
• Pray. Pray for your own healing. Pray for those who are caring for you. Just spend time with the Father because you need to and He wants it. Take prayer requests; nothing helps you heal more than focusing on the needs of others.

Part 5- Things Not to Do

• Don't use lotion on your hands before you need to use the walker.  
• Don't use the walker on a wet floor.

Some of these things I know first-hand; others I just think are logical conclusions. You can decide which is which.



• Don't try to rush things.
• Don't take yourself too seriously. You will be reduced to needing help with almost everything. Hear me again, ALMOST EVERYTHING. Remember, "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18 (KJV) The last thing you need is destruction or a fall.

So as my week comes to a close and I anticipate my next doctor's appointment, I am hopeful that I will get the green light on Partial Weight Bearing. That term concerns me a bit, since I am not really a "partial" kind of person.

As one friend put it when I voiced my concerns to her: "Ya don't say."

I mean, tell me to sit and I'll sit. Tell me to get up and I'm up. But partial?? 

YouTube isn't a whole lot of help either. Seems everyone understands the application of this but me. I know, I just KNOW, that I am going to put all the weight on this thing. But if I do I'll remember that there is One Who wants, even desires all of my burdens. All of the things that weigh me down.

Matthew 11:28-30

²⁸ “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. ³⁰ For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

When I lean on Jesus, He always holds me up.



Two Blogs Merged at a Point of Forgiveness

Old Wounds

I broke my toe two years ago. Actually, it was Election Day, 2012, to be exact. I know this because, not only was it Election Day, it was the day before I was to leave for Nashville to attend the Lifeway Women's Forum. Crashing into a suitcase in the wee hours of the morning turned into a bit of an inconvenience. After dragging my foot around town in search of a boot, then to the doctor for x-rays, then to be fitted for the by then much-needed boot, (somehow managing to squeeze in standing in line to vote) then back to the podiatrist for a deeper inspection of the multiple breaks, I headed home and limped my way to Nashville the next day. You see, I was determined. I was not going to let the injury keep me from the blessings that were waiting for me in this gathering of Christian women from all over the country. The injury would not prevail-- the glory would be given to the Lord for the ability to...go. In hindsight, I probably should have stayed home. And healed. I was injured.

As time marched on, or in my case, limped, the toe and foot began to give me...issues. Pain and such. It continued to swell, to ache, and it caused me to change the way I walk. Having kept the boot, I dug it out a few months ago and reluctantly eased into it. I didn't want to wear it. It was like taking a step backward. Admitting defeat. Opening an old wound. Here we go again.

The boot and the pampering didn't work. As much as I wanted to avoid it, I needed to take action. But it would mean multiple processes applied to my foot-- breaking bones, inserting metal pieces and parts, A ROD STICKING OUT OF IT! Did you hear me?? A ROD!

There are certain things that you see in life that Other People have to endure. Some are things that you know you could handle easily. Others leave you wondering. Then there are those things that make you cringe. The things that make you whisper a prayer asking the Lord to never let you go through because you know, you just KNOW that you will throw up the minute you have to see it.
That's how I am about rods sticking out of conscious people. I am so very sorry that they are having to go through this and so sad that they had whatever accident has led to this and so scared that I would bump into them if I even got close and so many other things that I don't even know because every time I see them I avoid eye contact because Ow and it's A LONG PIECE OF METAL COMING OUT OF THEM. So you can imagine my reaction when the surgeon told me that I would have to have one. The very thing. The grossest. I know I must have shocked him (big understatement) when I freaked out recoiled the way I did. He had no idea. None. He knows now. (now I worry when that ad about the lawsuit for some device called the "bladder sling" comes on; doesn't it make you just cringe?)

So here I am six weeks later. Six weeks. SIX. I know I have been not been easy to live with. Oh, I admit that right off the bat. I'd rather admit it first before anyone who has had to put up with me does. I beat them to it! But I have tried my best to be a good patient. I have done everything the doctor told me to do. I have not put even a little bit of pressure on this poor foot. Who would want to? It hurt like crazy! I took pain meds when I needed them and stopped taking them when I didn't need them any more. I elevated it (the real kind of elevation--above my heart) so that I would minimize swelling, and even though I really really wanted to ice it I didn't because I was told I was a risk for frostbite. What? Ok, whatever. I trust you. And I did ice it once I was allowed. I did what I was told. Ok. One thing. I took the splint off at night. There. Honesty. Why did I take the splint off, you ask? Velcro. Across the scars. You try to sleep. No more explanation necessary.

In all of this recovery I have received the Best Care. The very best. I can't say enough wonderful things about my sweet, patient, caring, amazing husband. He has had to see me sad and scared and weak and frustrated more in the past six weeks than in all 30 years combined. Only God has seen me like that before. Only God gave him the strength and patience to endure...me. The rod is out (according to the surgeon, the removal procedure was uncomfortable.) Yeah. I am now counting the days until my next appointment where I will possibly be allowed to begin to bear some weight on my foot. I know it will hurt. I know it will probably cause more swelling. But it will be necessary, much like addressing the old wounds. But this time, I am allowing them to heal properly.

Life is never without trauma. We endure pain and disappointment and hurt from the time we are born because we are not perfect and we are living in an imperfect world. This isn't heaven. Hear me again, I'll say it to you like you are mine:

 

THIS ISN'T HEAVEN.

We are going to have pain. There are going to be wounds. And sometimes the wounds don't heal well. Sometimes it's because we keep them from healing. We don't follow doctors orders or we don't follow Jesus' instruction and offer the other cheek. (Matthew 5:39) Sometimes it's because others won't let our wounds heal. When an old wound is opened up it reminds us of the past hurt. The ache becomes fresh and almost worse than the original offense, for it is a reminder of all we went through as well as the fact that-

 here we are again.

 

Still not healed. But we can heal, if we allow the power of the Living God to let us.

To keep perpetuating the pain of old wounds is to take the healing power away from the Lord and take it upon ourselves to control it. And when we do that, we always mess things up. Folks, seek Him first. In all things. When you do that you are led to places you cannot find on your own. You will find forgiveness, grace, mercy, and the clarity that only He can fill you with. His love will consume all the voids in your heart. You will not have room for the pain.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a choice. It's a choice we all face at some point in our lives, some of us more than others. I have been told that I am a very forgiving person. I should be. Not only have I had to do a lot of it in my life, I've also had to ask for forgiveness more often than I wish.  

One insight into forgiveness that I have learned is that we don't have to wait until we feel like forgiving in order to forgive. In fact, if we wait until we "feel" like it, we're probably in for a long wait. Forgiveness requires conscious thought and action. It necessitates that the  wounded party act upon the choice that was made, in this case to forgive. If you only say that you forgive someone, it's empty and hollow. You must follow through on your decision.

The more you leave emotions out of forgiveness, the better. Your emotions will tell you to stand your ground and wait until an apology is offered and, even then, not to give in. The enemy wants you to think that forgiving someone is a sign of weakness, losing the battle; the real battle is with the enemy!

For the Christian, forgiveness must occur. Like love, it is not an option.
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32NIV  I have several Bibles in many translations and none of them say "when you feel like it." Believe me, I've searched.

Nor should we force ourselves to say the words, "I forgive you." It's like forcing an apology. Unless it is true and heartfelt, it is meaningless. So what does forgiveness really mean? And do we have to "forgive and forget?"

I don't think we have the capability to forgive and forget. Not in the way most people interpret it. Only Jesus does that. Psalm 103:12 tells us that, through the mercy of our Redeemer, our confessed sins are cast as far as the east is from the west. He can do that. He's God. What we can do is ask Him to help us to be like that. We can beg Him to release us from the pain that makes us pick up where we left off when we are confronted with something that reminds us of the hurt. We have to rely on His strength to keep us from bringing up the past. And He will. Because He's God.

Conversely, when you encounter someone who is hurting, you need to validate their heartache. Often you have no idea what has led them to this point. None. Only the Lord knows their heart like only He knows yours. Therefore you must be as kind and as loving and as forgiving as you would want them to be to you.

 

Do unto others...

 

 

 

Or you could just delete them. Or hide their posts. Or unfriend them. After all, they're not saying what you want them to say. They don't agree with you. So, why bother? If they can't see fit to agree with you, then just eliminate them from your electronic life. There. One click and you are free from a differing opinion. No time for that in your tidy little life. Now everything is just fine. And they are as far from you as the east is from the west. And so is their hurting heart.

 

Aren't you glad He doesn't unfriend us?

 

 

 

 

 

 



The Gospel According to HGTV

I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted!

In the past three weeks I have flipped houses, salvaged barn doors, purchased real estate in Curacao, and refurbished a burned-out Victorian house in Minnesota. Not to mention perfecting the poached egg, learning everything I didn't know that I needed to know about food trucks across the country, and challenging Bobby Flay in Iron Chef America. I have saved restaurants from certain closure and hung on until the final round of Chopped! I feel so...empowered!

It is now three weeks and one day since my foot surgery. The first week was a blur. The second week was spent getting used to navigating the walker and adjusting to life on my blue-striped island in the family room. But the third week, well now that has been spent visiting with friends, dining on their food, (I am so blessed that I have friends who can cook, I mean these ladies can COOK!) and surfing the web and the networks.

Since most daytime tv is created, I am sure, for people waiting to check in with their parole officer, I have relied mostly on silence. Honestly, that's my favorite sound. I am a HUGE "Be still and know" (Psalm 46:10) fan. I love the peace that silence brings. The clarity that waits between ticks of the clock and the slow, low melody of the wind chimes on the back porch. God speaks volumes to me during these times and I covet them when I am doing my usual "running around." But sometimes the silence is a little too loud. Especially when your brain needs to be distracted from thinking about your foot. So enter channel 229 on your DirecTv remote and hallelujah! Background noise that you can almost always glance up at and not be repulsed!

Between HGTV, diy, and the Food, and Cooking channels, I have no loss for projects, ideas, and inspiration. I am ready to hit the flea markets for old, beat-up bookcases and stop by Home Depot on the way home for a can of miracle spray paint. While I'm out I'll go by the store for a list of mystery ingredients and come home and prepare the BEST MEAL EVER. And as for one of those "fixer-uppers" I pass on the way- I'm going to gut it, restore all the woodwork to its former glory, and rent it for a ridiculous sum of money to a family that can't decide whether to Love it or List It. Why? Because these people whom I do not know have told me that I can!

After watching these shows I am firmly convinced that, if they can do it, I can do it. After all, we are all human, right? We own power tools. We have access to Home Depot and Lowes. I own both sharp knives and a whisk. Why can't I conquer the afternoon with a few projects and dinner. Served on trendy plates. I watch, I take notes, I nod in approval. Then I get up, employ my walker into the kitchen, and see myself in the reflection of the mirror in my still unfinished bathroom. Oh yeah. I'm still me. I still can't decide on the light fixture I want. After two years.

If I lived on one of these shows I'd hop into my beat-up pickup truck and go to the local salvage store and get one for $35 that is old and has character and fair wiring. I'd get home and know which breaker to shut off and get it all spiffy-looking and hang it and be pleased. But I don't live on a show, I live in the real world. And so do we all. They make it look so easy.

Of course, my blog wouldn't be my blog without tying this in to my Christian walk. My faith. My life. So I go the step further and wonder if I make life look too easy for my non-Christian friends. Do I make it look like, because I believe and know that I will join my Savior in heaven one day and that my sins are forgiven and that I have the power of the Holy Spirit living in me, that my life is as easy as a crème brulee prepared in a convection oven in Gordon Ramsay's kitchen?

Was my salvation experience like flipping a house? Out with the old, in with the new. My value increased just because my self decreased? Easy as that? Have I made being a follower of the only One sent to live a sinless life, die on a cross in substitution for my sins, rise from the dead, appear to multitudes, and ascend into heaven and promise to return to us to join with us for eternity--have I made that sound too easy? Have I made it look too easy?

Oh- have I been guilty of falsely inspiring people and leading them to believe that life would be a bed of roses and that they would never need to be weeded, would never thirst, and would never wither?

I want to live life to the fullest, but I also want to be real. I want to show that I am weak and vulnerable and subject to all of the things that everyone else is subject to and I do not have all the answers; I just have one answer and that is Jesus. (John 14:6)

Please, Lord, let my flaws be examples of your love and forgiveness. Let people see the imperfections in me like the ones in the old wood in the Victorian home. And let me lead them to the only One Who can fully restore, fully rehabilitate, and always make new. And let us all know the difference between reality tv and reality.

So in my last entry I warned that I am " a little on edge." Truth be told, I am a lot on edge.

I have never been one of those "emotional people." I learned how to build walls at an early age and I've become pretty good at it. I'm not bragging; that's nothing to brag about. It's weird when other people cry at movies or songs or Folger's commercials and you are the one wondering about the staging or the marketing concept behind a young man returning from college and fairly-well breaking and entering and no one hearing him except the baby sister. These people must sleep like rocks. And what about the dog? Not even a woof. Oh yes, you remind yourself, I'm supposed to be misty-eyed right now and rushing to the kitchen for a cup of emotion.

Can I add that, along with a degree in Personal Masonry, I minored in Sarcasm and Cynicism?

Long ago a good friend (who is much like me when it comes to All Things Emotional) and I went to see "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." I said it was a long time ago. Don't ask me why we went; it was the '70s and if that's all I have to regret I'm doing pretty well. (Instead ask why they had to make a movie with the Bee Gees in the first place.) There was a scene in the movie where the obligatory love interest had died and they were having the funeral. Complete with the coffin scene. A glass coffin. Peter Frampton singing to Strawberry Fields. And she's a girl and she's in a glass coffin. I am not lying. Look it up on imdb . I did, to make sure I was remembering correctly. As they picked up the coffin and the inappropriate music swelled, my friend and I both noticed that the actress's head slid, ever so slightly, to the end of the coffin. That was all it took. We didn't even need to discuss it. We didn't need to look at each other to know we had seen it. So in the middle of the theater, surrounded by overly-emotional teenage girls, we began to laugh. We could not stop. You couldn't have stopped us if you had tried, and a few people did. (By the way, "shushing" people only makes them laugh more.) If you are reading this and if you were in that theater, I still do NOT apologize. It was a stupid scene with bad actors and, for heaven's sake, a glass coffin.

So to find myself becoming teary-eyed lately has left me shocked, curious, and a little annoyed. What in the world is happening to me? I would blame it on the pain meds or just the pain: after all, it's as though someone took a ball peen hammer to my foot, then wrapped it in scratchy gauze and an ace wrap and then kept hitting it and sticking it with pins. Yeah, there's pain. But no, I was getting this way about a week before the surgery.

I remember driving through the Poconos with my husband last month, and not being able to take a whole breath because the Brooklyn Tab choir (pumping through my husband's new speakers) was singing like it was already in heaven. I was overcome with joy and love and gratitude and all of the emotions and all I wanted to do was...cry.

It was at that moment that I started thinking about the things that do touch me. The moments that Break Through. So here they are. The stuff that causes Darth Vader to choke up. That makes Clint Eastwood blink. And wipe his eyes. They may mean nothing to you, but they do to me. Feel free to add your own "joys" in the comments. Open up. Let's see where this goes...

(these are most certainly not in any particular order; so don't judge me if some "salvation subject" is listed under "watching kittens play." Just an example)

1. Birds Yes, birds. Most everything about them. But mostly the fact that, when God made them, He could have just stopped with making one. Or for that matter He didn't even have to make one. But He did and then He made more, in different colors, shapes, sizes and to do different things. Then He gave them SONGS! Of all things- I mean they already have feathers and they can fly, but they also can...SING! And don't they just sing their little hearts out? Of course they do. Maybe they are thanking Him for letting them sing. I know I am.

2. Flowers For basically the same reason as the birds. No, not the song. I'm not on that much medicine. I mean the vast, immeasurable variety of flowers and plants that God filled this soil with. Stop and think about it because you should- He made them all and so different and so beautiful...just because He could. If that doesn't make you grateful, dear heart, you are not reading this in the way it was intended and you're not thinking of Him the way He wants you to.
Jesus Himself said that, unless we saw signs and wonders, we would never believe. (John 4:48) So here we are. Surrounded by signs and wonders, yet we overlook them. Don't overlook them- take a moment (or the rest of your life) and give God the attention that He deserves.

3. Mountains I grew up in a coastal area. Some of my earliest memories are of going to the beach. As soon as I was able to drive myself, I spent as much time at the beach as possible. But not because I loved it. I mean, it's beautiful and I appreciate God's handiwork and His might and the power of His hand in creating something as huge as the Atlantic Ocean (as well as the others), but it does not cause me to...well up inside. The beach was just the Thing to Do.  But the mountains. I cannot even grasp what happens to my heart when I am in the mountains. Even the first glimpse of the first rise and my eyes begin to fill up with the tears like the tears you get when you see a good friend after a long, long time. I think of His hand guiding and perfecting the ridges and the valleys and the peaks. I stare and try to grasp the courage of my ancestors pulling and tugging and dragging their heavy loads of meager belongings through these hills to eke out their living and their livelihood while trying to survive. No matter the season. No matter the weather or the view-- they are one of the few things on earth that I have trouble grasping that I am worthy of looking upon. One day I will see mountains through clear eyes, but for now, my eyes are always filled with tears.

Finally I am moving away from nature before I have to have some oxygen delivered to this house.

4. Prayer  I'm not really referring to my own prayers right now; I'm talking about the prayers of others. I've spoken about this before. The kind of prayer that...hushes you. The kind where you know that the person is revealing the way they converse with the God of all. The very One Who created everything is listening and speaking back to this person and you are blessed enough to hear it and to come alongside and join in it. It is personal and private and precious. And then one step further, that puts me over the edge, is when it is done on my behalf. The very thought that someone would take the most valued private time with our Savior and use that time to utter my name to Him is the most humbling feeling that comes into my heart. I am never ungrateful and never untouched by that. Hopefully I am never unchanged by it, either.

5. America  I am about as patriotic as you can get. I love American history. I love being a native Virginian. And again, I mean I love it to the point of tears when I stand on the lawn in front of George Wythe's house. When I sing the National Anthem. When I put out our flag. My husband and I may not have met but for the fact that both of our fathers stayed here in this area after having been stationed here during WWII. We may not have married were it not for the fact that we passed each other's Favorite President Test while dating. Yes, it was and still is THAT important. Never mind how many kids you think you'll want or if you like to go to the movies or if you leave the toothpaste cap off...who was your favorite president and why and what part of the Revolution was the turning point for you and for goodness sake please don't say that Plymouth had the first Thanksgiving or I will have to get out of the car right now!!! Yep. This country and all it stood for and what it still tries to stand for will bring me to tears every. single. time. And I am proud of it.

6. Goodbyes  I am horrible at goodbyes. I do not do it well, I do not do it pretty, so I avoid doing it at all costs. I am so bad at goodbyes that I want no more pets. Not even a goldfish. I dread the times that I know that friends are moving and I try (and now the secret is out) to plan something that will make it impossible for me to attend the farewell. I cry and become overwhelmed and cry more and look awful and never, ever, say the things I want to say because I can't get the words out because I am crying. I would much rather write the note and leave it on the gift table before the party. And slip away and cry like a baby because I just can't bear the thought.

7. Answered Prayer  Totally different from the Prayer entry, this is a thing all its own. If you have ever prayed for something specific, then seen that specific prayer answered, you, my friend,  have witnessed a miracle. For it is something only God can do. But this miracle isn't rare. My God answers prayer. All the time. We just need to see His hand in the answer. Sometime it matches up with what we are praying for; sometime it doesn't. But what it always does is right and good and will have everlasting effects. So to have joined with God and to have seen this thing through and to see Him work in a situation...to have been Part of It. No words. Only emotion.

8. Seeing the Holy Spirit Move  For my friends who may read this who are not Christian, obviously this is one that is hard to understand. But it happens. And if you know me well enough to be reading this, you know me well enough to trust me. It happened just yesterday, as a matter of fact. I was covered with  grace during an unexpected moment and I was able to conduct myself with that grace and dignity and come out on the other side of it stronger and closer than ever to the Lord Who was with me in the storm. There was a moment yesterday when I experienced the God of the Universe working in my life. In a huge way. In every detail. And that moved me to tears and I am so glad it did.

9. Really Good Music I mentioned the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir earlier. I have to mention them again, as well as many Christian and secular artists. I can be moved to tears by a piece by Mozart or Mannheim Steamroller. I am not going to name all of the artists; there is no need. Just know that both Chris Tomlin and Billy Joel are responsible for my having to keep tissues in my car.

So there you have them. No particular order. Stopped at nine because that's where my thoughts stopped- not forcing a Top Ten or anything like that. Sure, there are other things that, from time to time, will cause me to become a little verklempt, but for the most part these are the things that make my heart fill up and pour out. I would love to know yours.