Tuesday, December 17, 2013

I like to bake. I like to take separate ingredients and mix and wait and gently coerce the concoction into something appealing and delicious. I will attempt any type of baking, but my favorite is bread. It takes patience, tenderness, planning, more patience, and love. People tend to like my bread. I know my family does, and that gives me such a huge sense of satisfaction, especially since I'm not one of the Fancy Cookie People.
Yeah, you know them, the Fancy Cookie People. They're the ones whose cookies stop you in your tracks at the cookie exchange. They bring in their magical treats in a plain Rubbermaid container or on a little plate, like they're no big deal. They slip them in between the store-bought wedding cookies and my sugar cookies that resemble the square states with sprinkles. And as the crowd gathers and says things like "They're just too pretty to eat" and "I'd ask for the recipe but I'd never be able to do that!" they just smile and say "Thank you," with that sugary Southern sweetness like the iridescent granules they put on their Angel Snowflake Drops. They make their reindeer with their pretzel antlers and gumdrop noses (no, they would never use something as obvious as a red M&M). They have their snowmen with the Reese cup top hats. Little Oreos that look like tuxedos made to look like penguins looking like they are skating. On a cupcake.

So yeah. I gave it another try. This time with the help of Pinterest. Pinterest, I am sure, was created solely for the purpose of humiliating me and making me feel totally inadequate. While it helps everyone else, it shines light on the things I have not - nor will I ever - accomplish.

                     But c'mon, how hard can a cookie recipe be?

After all, it uses the same ingredients as the Hersey kiss blossoms, and those are easy. (I have actually never made them, either) The butter softened, the flour measured, everything set. Here we go.

Apparently there is something in the chemical structure of the candy cane kiss that is different from that of the regular chocolate kiss. I am no scientist, but I don't think they are supposed to flatten. At first, when they were just soft, I still had hope. But as they cooled, and the stripey kiss began to look like a scrap of circus tent fabric tossed on a sparkly rug, I knew something had gone terribly wrong. And doing something bad to a cookie is like being mean to a puppy. 

They're supposed to look like this:
Unfortunately I can't post a picture of the mistakes. You see, my family ate them. Because they TASTED AWESOME. Take that, Fancy Cookie People. Keep your swirl candy cookie pops. I'll take my Circus Tent Sparkles any day of the week!

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